


Communication

by moffwithhishead



Series: Sometimes I drabble [23]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 8x22 coda that I forgot to publish haha oops, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-16
Updated: 2013-08-16
Packaged: 2017-12-23 17:23:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/929129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moffwithhishead/pseuds/moffwithhishead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first thing Dean sees when he goes into his room is the trenchcoat resting on the back of Cas’ chair. The second thing he sees is the now empty six pack and the unopened pie on his bed. The third thing is what appears to be a half-drunk angel sitting against the empty wall with an issue of Busty Asian Beauties in his lap and a bottle of Jack next to him. Apparently Cas’ angel instincts are still intact because he looks up at Dean as the hunter is getting ready to just back out of the room and frowns, “I don’t understand why you think I don’t trust you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Communication

The first thing Dean sees when he goes into his room is the trenchcoat resting on the back of Cas’ chair. The second thing he sees is the now empty six pack and the unopened pie on his bed. The third thing is what appears to be a half-drunk angel sitting against the empty wall with an issue of  _Busty Asian Beauties_  in his lap and a bottle of Jack next to him. Apparently Cas’ angel instincts are still intact because he looks up at Dean as the hunter is getting ready to just back out of the room and frowns, “I don’t understand why you think I don’t trust you.”

"And I don’t understand why you keep disappearing," Dean mumbles, not without heat, but with considerably less venom then there’d been this morning. Cas looks perplexed and that pisses off the hunter more than it probably should. "Where the hell have you  _been_ , man?” Cas opens his mouth to respond and Dean holds up a hand, “No. Let me talk.” He walks into the room and shut the door behind him, “You’ve been gone for weeks, Cas. Weeks! Sammy’s dying, the last time I saw you you tried to kill me, I found out some angel bitch is controlling you, there’s another godforsaken tablet, you fucking run away when I tell you that I need you, and on top of that, I spent the past couple weeks wondering whether you were alive or not, man!” Dean crosses his arms, losing some of the steam he had earlier, “We really could’ve used you today, Cas. A couple of people, a couple of really good, innocent people died because we couldn’t save them.”

Crowley’s threat replays in his mind and whatever anger he’d built back up, Dean loses. He wasn’t really that mad to begin with but… he’s just so tired. He doesn’t want to fight, he doesn’t want to be mad, because Cas came back. He’s here, he’s home. He’s there and he might be drunk but for once, Dean knows where he is and he knows that he’s safe and he doesn’t have to worry about some angel bitch (or some asshole grumpy english crumpet) hurting Cas anymore. Dean walks over and sits down next to his best friend before grabbing the bottle of Jack and taking a big drink for himself, “Just… if you keep disappearing like that on me, man, and I may just have to lock you in our dungeon.” 

Cas narrows his eyes as Dean takes another swig of the alcohol and tilts his head to the side, “But I can break those chains. It would accomplish nothing other than -“

Dean stares at Cas for a second, clearly amused, before shaking his head and taking another drink from the whiskey, “Man, do you even know  _why_  I was such a dick to you this morning?” There are no words in Cas’ answer, just a lost expression on an innocent face that Dean has come to look forward to seeing over the years. The hunter smiles a little bitterly and shakes his head again, “Of course you don’t…” Dean looks down into the bottle he’s holding and murmurs, “Don’t know why I expected any differently.”

After a few moments of silence Cas clears his throat a little, “I would like to know why, though.” He chances a quick look at Dean who’s still staring into the bottle before continuing, “Dean, I… This, what I am and what I’ve been doing… it’s all very new for me. I’ve been watching humanity for thousands of years, Dean, and I often still feel like this is my first time on earth again.” Cas smiles apologetically at his friend and shrugs a little, “I’m not good at this, Dean. It’s not my intention to hurt you or Sam.”

"Cas," Dean snorts and smirks over at him, "No offense bud, but ‘not good at this’ might be the understatement of the century." He takes another swig from the bottle before setting it down and rubbing his face with both hands, "God, Cas, are you ever going to stick around?"

"I…" The angel frowns a little and looks over at the opposite wall, "I would like to. But I don’t think it would be safe right - " 

Dean groans and throws his head back into the wall, “Dammit Cas, it’s not your job to protect us all the time!”

Castiel frowns, “But you’re my charge and I -” Dean shakes his head, cutting off Cas, “No, fuck that. Fuck me being your charge, fuck Heaven, fuck any orders you ever got from those dicks, man. I haven’t been your charge, your responsibility in  _years_ , Cas. I’m fine, I can take care of myself. I lasted for almost a fucking year in Purgatory without you, man, I think I can last up here without your feathery ass watching out for me all the time.”

"If Naomi found you both, she could use you against me," Cas growls and glares at Dean. "If the angels even thought that either of you had any idea where the tablet was, they would have killed you to get that information. It’s not that I don’t trust you, Dean, it’s that I care too much about you and Sam to risk my mistakes hurting you  _ **again**_.”

Dean glares right back at Cas and leans closer to him, “I told you I needed you. You tried to fucking kill me and I told you what I’ve been trying to find a way for years to say and then you just  _left_ , Cas.” His face falters for a second, “You left and you ignored me -  _ **again!**_  I thought you were dead, you asshole. I thought those dicks had caught you and killed you and I thought… I thought that we were never going to see you again, okay?”

"I was trying to pro -"

"Cas," Dean interrupts him again with a growl and rubs a hand over his face, "I swear to whatever deity is actually listening that I  **will**  punch you in the balls if you say you were trying to protect me one more time.”

When Dean looks up Cas is about an inch from his face and frowning, “I am  _always_  going to try and protect you, Dean Winchester. No matter how infuriating and hypocritical you are, I will always try my best to keep you safe and happy. You deserve that much after all I have done.”

He can’t help it; Dean laughs.

It’s a humorless laugh; it’s a little dark and it’s too easy to tell how broken Dean feels by it as he shakes his head and rests his head back against the wall, “Don’t you get it, you dumbass?  _You_ make me happy. I meant it when I said I would rather have _you_. I don’t give a shit about the other stuff, man. I just want you. Angel mojo or no angel mojo, I need  **you**.” Dean smiles up at his friend, a little drunker than he thought and a little too tired to be really having this conversation, “I don’t know how to be happy without you around anymore, man. I need you, Cas, don’t you  _ **get**_  that?” 

Maybe it’s the half a liquor store he drank earlier, maybe it’s the fact that Dean’s hand is resting on Cas’ arm, or maybe it’s the fact that he thinks he finally understands what Dean meant in the crypt, but Cas’ voice sounds a little choked up, “Dean…”

"And I’m not," Dean hiccups and shakes his head, his words slurring a little now, “‘m not asking for the whole thing. ‘m not asking for the house and kids and a dog or whatever. I’m just so sick of worrying about you, man. I’m sick of being lied to and I am so fucking sick of dreaming about you walking into that god damn lake. I’m sick of worrying that I’m gonna lose you, again. I can’t go through the whole Crowley shitstorm a second time, man. I barely survived that year without you and I don’t wanna do it again." He picks up the bottle and finishes off the last gulp, "I’m not cut out for this disappearing act you got goin’ on, Cas. And I’m tired of not sleeping because I don’t know where you are. I grew up with this kind of shit and I  _know_  that it never ends well. So I’m not asking you to need me back. I’m not asking for you to come home tomorrow, for good. ‘m not even asking for you to apologize for all the shit you’ve done over the past couple years cause I know I got shit to apologize for too…

I’ve been trying to be there for you man but you just keep running away,” the hunter looks up at his friend and sighs, so tired of this internal debate with himself. “I don’t want to lose you like that again, man. I’ve lost you and Sammy too many times, okay? I just…” Dean laughs bitterly and kicks the empty bottle under his bed, “And now fuckin’ Crowley’s goin around and killing everybody we’ve saved, man. And I’m kinda fucking terrified that means you too. And if you leave then… I can’t save you.”

"I…" Cas opens and immediately closes his mouth a few times before finding the right words, "I need you too, Dean."

After a moment the hunter pushes himself up and starts walking over to his dresser to pull out an extra pair of PJ pants before tossing them at the still stunned Cas on the floor. Cas frowns at the pants when they land on his shoulder and gives Dean a questioning look, “What…?”

Dean pulls on a pair of sweats and a light t-shirt before walking back over to Cas and offering him his hand, “I’m still pissed that you keep leaving me… but…” He trails off and shrugs; Cas is still confused but he takes Dean’s hand and pulls himself up off the ground and manages to only stumble a little. Dean gets Cas into the new clothes ( _his_  clothes, some possessive part of his brain cheers) with little interference.

Somehow they fall into the bed together and Dean finds his head resting on Cas’ chest, right over his heart. Dean falls asleep easily with Cas’ hand brushing his hair off his forehead and a hand slowly rubbing his back and the angel wonders if maybe, just maybe, he feels the same way Dean does. He wonders what he feels when it’s just him in his head, no Naomi, no angels changing his memories, just  _ **Cas**_.

He thinks so but… he’d like to stick around and find out.

 _One day_ , he promises himself as Dean makes a small, content noise and wraps himself even more around Cas. One day he’ll stay with his friends long enough to figure it all out.


End file.
